unansweredable questions

Discussion in 'Getting Started' started by John Sneed, Aug 29, 2002.

  1. John Sneed

    John Sneed Member

    My wife is a great one for asking question that I don't answers for.I'am doing my track layout now and laying roadbed. Why do you have that turn there? Are you going to leave that like that? Are you going to put a what there? The answer that it just feels right to me don't cut it with her.It may be that she's a nurse,and they are a littel pickey about some things.I thought you were going to elevate that part.The answers I give is not to her loiking and she just shakes her head.Trying to get her to help dosn't help."Its your layout, youdo as you like"is the answer to most reponses I get.If thats the case, leave me alone.Am I the only one that has to endure this? I need something that sounds reasonable besides "it feels right" John
  2. rockislandmike

    rockislandmike Active Member

    Huh. My wife is also in healthcare (OT not nurse though), and is also very detail-oriented. Maybe she just doesn't care as much, though, because the answers I give her always seem satisfactory. At least so much as she cares.

    Her greatest difficulty was in understanding weathering - "why'd you buy a brand new engine if you're just gonna make it all dusty and old"..................
  3. Steam Donkey

    Steam Donkey Member

    Well fellas',

    As it happens, just three weeks ago I married Jill, the most wonderful woman in the world.

    When confronted with the prospect of building a relatively small layout in the family room of the rancher we just bought, this most understanding and spectacular gal suggested (without any prompting from yours truly), that we build an addition onto our house...FOR A TRAIN ROOM!!!!! Complete with an attached woodworking shop! WOW! I mean.....it's one thing to have a spouse who tolerates or perhaps even understands our hobbies....but this is almost unheard of!!!

    Of course it's more than just turning a blind eye and giving the nod to my "nutty" projects. I know model railroading is not Jill's "thing", yet she makes a real effort to join me in the family room when I'm tinkering to check out what I'm doing and show some interest. What a gal! She may be the hidden driving force behind truly terrific model railroad. :D

    Anybody else out there have really great spouses or preferred others supporting them and their hobbies?

  4. TinGoat

    TinGoat Ignorant know it all

    Enjoy it while it lasts....

    Hey Stan,

    I hate to break it to you, but this is what is called the Honeymoon....

    Honeymoons are not the trip to tropical paradise, but the time period between wedded bliss and "You care more about your STUPID TRAINS than you do about ME!"

    Enjoy it while it lasts....

    The only way to prolong the honeymoon is to make sure that you show the same interest in her hobbies or interest as she is showing in yours.

    Good Luck.
  5. Ralph

    Ralph Remember...it's for fun!

    Hi there John,
    I think I'd just say something like, "My hobby is for my enjoyment, this is the way I want the railroad to look" or something along those lines. My wife is supportive of my hobby even if she doesn't get why I've done some of the things I've done with it. Like a lot of people who see my layout she is most interested in the little detailed scenes such as the miniature Boy Scout camp instead of the overall railroading atmosphere. Remember that your layout is your art form. Most painters don't appreciate some one looking over their shoulder saying "Maybe you should put a little more blue there..." Perhaps you can convey the idea that your work is an expression of your creativity. It almost sounds like your spouse should have her own layout. :)
  6. Vic

    Vic Active Member

    Hi John, Some women see things in a different light, from a different view and from an entirely different prespective than men.

    To a man a train layout is creating an empire or a work of art that moves. To some women it may be preceived as playing with toys or trying to re-live one's childhood or simply an escape from the real world and its responsibilities.

    IMHO the situation that you describe may indicate a desire to participate in some way rather than question. In other words "the little girl" wants to but the "adult woman" says "no".

    I've been out of the "marriage scene" for over 20 years and never was any expert on that anyway. My current "ladyfriend" was a bit "testy" about my trains until I showed her how to make trees out of wire and let her "slop on" some plaster. Now its WE (coming from her) ought to do such and such with the trains. But recently she's gotten into collecting some kind of glassware so I guess I'm "safe" for awhile.!!!!

    OH Well, Can't live with 'em and can't live without 'em and damned if you do and damned if you don't :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D:D
  7. Bill Stone

    Bill Stone Member

    Okay..... time for me to weigh in about wives!

    I've been reading (on other threads) about wives "allowing" their husbands some of the basement, or "making" them go out to "the shed" to do their modeling. And I've wondered if I was the only guy on here with a reasonable relationship with his spouse!

    TinGoat is really giving you the cynical line, Stan. I'm sure there are wives who are less than supportive of model railroader husbands, but that certainly is NOT all of them. My wife (of many many years) has absolutely no interest in model railroading, but understands that people have interests and passions, and would say that model railroading is as good --- or better --- than others. And I assure you she is no wimp. She is decisive, has strong opinions, and independent points of view. She is a career businesswoman who, tho' I'm retired, has chosen to keep working.

    The one NMRA national convention that I attended, she went with me, and amused herself around the city, while I did my thing.

    I had been talking for years about getting a small modelmaker's lathe and mill. The total for the setup was going to cost the better part of $2,000, and I just never felt I could justify spending that much all at once on my hobby. After years of knowing I was wishing for it, my wife presented me with the two thou. She had been saving it up out of her incidental money!

    I'm glad you appreciate your wife, Stan. And don't accept that it's all gonna change! If she's a good woman --- and if you're a good husband --- it won't.

    Bill S
  8. My wife and I have been married for nearly 33 years. I have been a model builder for a good 15-20 years longer than that.

    One of the things that we learned along the way was to accommodate each other's needs and interests. For example, except for airbrushing or running my Dremel, I don't go off to some remote part of the house to build my structures and rolling stock. I work on my models in the living room, where she is watching tv and pursuing her own hobby interests. I work on a specially designed work 'bench" that is easily rolled out of the room when I'm not using it. In short, we spend time together, and I'm not cluttering up the living room 24/7 with my "stuff." The trade off? She supports my hobby, even buys me expensive models as Christmas and birthday gifts, and doesn't complain if I go to the basement occasionally to "run trains." She's also the first one to call family and friends when I've had an article and/or photos published.

    Likewise, I support her hobby interests and do whatever I need to do to show her that support.

    To me, the key is not the level of personal interest in a given hobby or subject; rather, it's the interest you show in each other and the acceptance that each may have interests different from the other.
  9. t. alexander

    t. alexander Member

    Reading Casey's post has hit on a problem I've had since moving to "new" model building quarters that is Seperate from my wife now. Something has been missing thats effecting my building habits and I believe it's the lack of her puttering around me while I'm working. It's funny all the years I dreamed of a proper shop. But now I think an evening at the dining room table with the sound of her "brit com's" on the TV in the background and "PLEASE don't leave a mess when your done" would do my model building a world of good. ;)

  10. pcentral

    pcentral Member

    Amen Casey, you said it all. My wife have been together for about 10 years (married for 2). She not only supported my hobby but has become just as involved as me. She is the scenery and painting expert in the family.
  11. John Sneed

    John Sneed Member

    unanswerable questions

    My wife has no interest at all in joining me in my layout.She did go with me to the MNRA convention in St.Louis last fall and appeared to enjoy herself.I have taken up her hobby of birdwatching and like it. WE've been married for 33 years nowbut this something she is isn't interested in outside of asking questions that I can't answer.So I guess I'am on my own in this hobby. John
  12. Lighthorseman

    Lighthorseman Active Member

    Re: Enjoy it while it lasts....

    I would have to say that TinGoat and Casey have hit the nail right on the head. ;)
  13. NYCentral

    NYCentral Member

    Mine, will come down to the basement and sit next to me while I work on something as long as she can talk to me while I'm working she is happy. She also goes to shows with me and I go to Flower shows with her (our trade off)
  14. Hi, Phil :)

    Welcome, friend :) :D You'll enjoy it here. ;)
  15. NYCentral

    NYCentral Member

    Thanks Mike!! I've been luking for awhile but decided yesterday to join, and sit back and enjoy myself for awhile.

    P.S. how do I put my logo over on the left of the messages (I know it isn't in the signature box)?
  16. TinGoat

    TinGoat Ignorant know it all

    Wedded Bliss....

    Thanks for bailing me out Steve. I didn't mean to come across as being so cynical. I forgot to add a liberal dose of smilies. :D

    I'll be the first to admit that I am a selfish s.o.b., and I have to remind myself that I have a loving and generous wife who is supportive in my hobbies and interests even when I don't always reciprocate. :(

  17. Go to "user cp" (at the top of the screen), then to "edit options". Scroll to the bottom of the screen and click on "change avatar." You'll probably need to resize your logo (I did! A lot!) because avatars are restricted to 100 X 100 pixels (I think that's right :confused:). You can upload directly from your 'puter. Also, if you ever want to upload photos, they are size-restricted to 102k.
  18. YakkoWarner

    YakkoWarner Member

    My wife and I have been together 8 years. She quilts, I model. We set up a "Hobby Room" for both of us. We each have our areas in the room and this allows us to participate in each other's hobby while working on our own.
  19. marty w.

    marty w. Member

    We have been married for 30 years.
    My wife has always been supportive of this hobby and any other hobby I have. She does show interest and likes the details.
    I look to her for suggestions on scenery and it helps to get another view.
  20. Drew1125

    Drew1125 Active Member

    My wife & I have been together for a long time...we've been through a lot of tragedy, & triumph together. A lot of high times, & some pretty %$#@ low ones...we've squabbled over lots of things...money, jobs, kids, & countless other things, & I'm sure various hobbies have taken a shot or two from time to time...but you know what? Just as many times we've had lots of fun, & shared a lot of laughter over those same things.
    What it boils down to in the end is, that my wife is my best friend...& though I may grouse about the ol' girl from time to time, I can't imagine having to get through the day without her.
    Hobbies? Sure, we've both got 'em...everybody needs an out let...I think it makes us better people in the end. I can't imagine denying her that, any more than she would me.
    If one of us is doing something to irritate the other one, whether it involves a hobby, or anything else, it's a guarrantee that the complaint will be forthcoming! And, more than likely, so will some sort of comprimise...
    That's called a marriage!
    And I could only wish that EVERYONE were as lucky as I've been!

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