( I thought Martha was the only convicted felon ) Paul Bunyon caught the boxcar, and coupled it to the train. They thought they would be all set for a weenie and marshmallow roast when they hit Nashville, since Emril had his reefer full of hotdogs. Little did they know...
"Once upon a Train"
- Thread starter Virginian
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Suddenly, just as everyone was about to dine on a feast of marshmallows, peanut butter, hot dogs and bananas, a bunch of sun-glassed, straight-laced, men in black appeared shouting that everything there was going to be confiscated and everyone there was under arrest. It seems as if the train had strayed on federal land, thanks to the fact that Sweeny Todd had zero experience at being an engineer, and no one had gotten the required permits to eat said items on said property. The government is really picky about such things ya know.
No my friends, it looks really dismal for everyone aboard, until someone in the group shouted...
No my friends, it looks really dismal for everyone aboard, until someone in the group shouted...
"AAAAAALLLLL Aboooaaaaaaaaaaaaard....!!!. The MIB couldn't believe these dudes were actually going to get that train started again, so they hustled forward towards the engine, hoping to....
...use their super-tiny gun to disentergrate the train before anyone could get to it. Well, Sweeny wouldn't have any of that, and he needed to get back to London because he had a, ah, "special" apointment with a certain judge:mrgreen:. So he whips out his cutting knife and starts charging into the MIB, and as he did so, he grabed the BHG's robot hat (named Doris) and starts flinging her (yes, its a female) at the MIB. The BHG, who was emotionaly atached to Doris, then runs after Sweeny to get Doris back. The MiB, meanwhile, managed to disentergrate the reefer full of hotdogs, leaving Emril wearing only a thong. Emril, who didn't like having his hot dogs disintergrated, suddenly atacked one of the MIB like a madman. Then the Hikowe's showed up again, flinging their 'authentic' indian souvenirs at the MIB. Then PRRman showed up in his Mogul...:mrgreen:
... Well, things got pretty ugly there for a while. The MIB had confiscated the train because it was in violation of being overloaded, Emril was upset because he didn't have all the ingredients he needed for his Holiday cook-off and most everyone else was beyone being hungry. So, the boys being "the boys" came up with a brainstorm. They figured they could quick-cook all the food at once by lighting the heater in the food storage car. Needless to say, some food could adapt to this, others couldn't and so as they heated up, the marshmallows began to expand in size.
Twice as much, "More heat you nincompoops", said Moe, so more heat there was.
The marshmallows grew to four times the size before the big KABOOM!!!!!!. The sky was filled with the white fluffy stuff and the Boston Philharmonic, never missing a beat, jumped in with their rendition of, "It's a Marshmallow World We Live In"...
Just then, the Men in Black stepped outside the coach to see what was going on, just as the white stuff was descending, lo and behold...
Twice as much, "More heat you nincompoops", said Moe, so more heat there was.
The marshmallows grew to four times the size before the big KABOOM!!!!!!. The sky was filled with the white fluffy stuff and the Boston Philharmonic, never missing a beat, jumped in with their rendition of, "It's a Marshmallow World We Live In"...
Just then, the Men in Black stepped outside the coach to see what was going on, just as the white stuff was descending, lo and behold...
...a giant rift in time and space that left twinkie wrapers all over the place that led into a concert of Al Yankovic performing "Virus Alert". Then, out of nowhere...
...as he usually does stepped Lamont Cranston, just in time to see an avalanche of marshmallow creme land on the MIB, the BHG, Paul Bunyon, Weird Al Yankovic, Elvis, Sweeny Todd, the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, Emril in his thong and everyone else in this wildly assorted group; except the Stooges who, as usual, came up smelling like a...,well, maybe not a rose, but without a bit of goo on them.
"Somebody needs to clean this up," he said, "but this is one thing that The Shadow DOSEN'T know!" and disappeared back beyond time and space where he usually stays.
"Somebody needs to clean this up," he said, "but this is one thing that The Shadow DOSEN'T know!" and disappeared back beyond time and space where he usually stays.
... but as soon as he disapeared, none other than the professor from the very beginning of this thread with the briefcase with the brass cab-foward steped through. He took one look at Sweeny and said "Who are you, the Bride of Frankenstein?"...
...this big red suit and beard.... Yes folks, within seconds the transformation took place. Sweeny was in fact Santa Clause who was out checking on the group to see who was naughty and who was nice. A sharp whistle and down came a sleigh and some reindeer.
As he reached into his bag, each one on the train shouted in delight. Emril got a signed copy of Alton Brown's latest cookbook, each one of the boys got a new squirt bottle, Martha, well she got a framed copy of her work release while the Shadow got himself a new hat. The list went on and on, everyone was happy that they got what they wanted.
Santa was pleased to that there wasn't a naught one in the group... well, except for Betty Boop, but she got a new garter anyway.
"Time to go", said Santa, "I've got a lot of ground to cover this night."
Everyone stood and watched as the man with a twinkle in his eye jumped on the sleigh and took off with his big bag brimming full of trains of all scales and other things for everyone else who was on his "nice" list. He looked back and shouted:
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL
As he reached into his bag, each one on the train shouted in delight. Emril got a signed copy of Alton Brown's latest cookbook, each one of the boys got a new squirt bottle, Martha, well she got a framed copy of her work release while the Shadow got himself a new hat. The list went on and on, everyone was happy that they got what they wanted.
Santa was pleased to that there wasn't a naught one in the group... well, except for Betty Boop, but she got a new garter anyway.
"Time to go", said Santa, "I've got a lot of ground to cover this night."
Everyone stood and watched as the man with a twinkle in his eye jumped on the sleigh and took off with his big bag brimming full of trains of all scales and other things for everyone else who was on his "nice" list. He looked back and shouted:
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL
All below were dumbfounded, never actually having seen the "real" Santa, and remained so until, far in the front of the train the sound of a shovel grating against the open firebox broke them out of their spell and....
there they saw - - not a man in black, but a man in white.... he was mumbling something about "88 miles an hour" or "eightyeight fan" - there was so much noise - no one could tell what he said......
He turned to the crowd and shouted...............
He turned to the crowd and shouted...............
"I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!!!!"
then a bunch of people suddenly apeared out of nowhere and yealled back:
"ROCK!"
then a bunch of people suddenly apeared out of nowhere and yealled back:
"ROCK!"
Everyone on the train stood stock still with their jaws dropped wide open. None of them had ever seen anything quite like that (and many hoped that they never would again)
Finally Paul Harvey, who had been silent for the last ten pages or so, said, "So what's the rest of the story?"
"You should know," said the Goofy Goober. "It's...
Finally Paul Harvey, who had been silent for the last ten pages or so, said, "So what's the rest of the story?"
"You should know," said the Goofy Goober. "It's...
...right there in that package that Curly is holding, the one that's ticking so loud....
"WHAT THE ...
...." they all said in unison as everyone ran from coach to first class. The figured that no one would mess with anyone in first class and they'd be right except for...
"WHAT THE ...
...." they all said in unison as everyone ran from coach to first class. The figured that no one would mess with anyone in first class and they'd be right except for...