"Once upon a Train"

[N Gauger]

this "oder".... this most "interesting" oner....

It actually caused cows to pass out!

Moe looked and said "LOOK!@! They are all going to sleep!!!!"

Of course, we all know the truth.. it wasn't the filet of sole bouquet that was causing the bovine's slumber... Nope ------ it was.....

 

[ezdays]

... cow pies. Yep, the bovines had just finished a succulent dinner and were now doing what cows do best. Moe thought for a short while, long thoughts hurt his thinking cap, and put two and two together and came up with a five-star solution.

"Hey birdbrain, use your mucuales and puts your back into shoveling some of those cow treats onto the tender. We'll have more that enough fuel to get up up da hill."

The two other birdbrains jumped off the train and immediately realized....

 

[Nomad]

...they were outside the fence, with no way to get over the barbed wire, unless..

 

[CNWman]

they did the chicken dance, or at least Curly did while Larry hung on. Against all odds, Curly somehow achived lift off with Larry clinging on like a madman, but then Curly lost control of his arms...

Meanwhile, two moderators of The Gauge (they were mentioned earlier in this story) were eating grits in the "Irv A. Athearn" Observation Car parked in front of Riverside station, when the Three Stooges minus one crashed from above...

 

[MadHatter]

.... Moe said to Curly, "Wake up and go to sleep". Then Larry entered the coach through the door. When Moe asked Larry where he came from and howcome he did not fall with them he replied that he took the stairs. Suddenly they saw the two Gauge Mods, they got the fright of their lives and ....

 

[Nomad]

...went back to the club car to get a bottle of seltzer water. There was none. Martha used it all making punch. But now Emril was mad because there were no crawdads or hot sauce in it, and they were throwing the punch at each other. The three stooges, being what they are, of course started throwing punch too. The two Gauge mods stood and watched until the punch was gone and then they...

 

[Pitchwife]

...reminded the Stooges what they did best. Soon there was more Punch, Bop, Bang, Nyuk Nyuk and Wooo Wooo than any civilized person could take. Meanwhile Emril...

 

[CNWman]

...reminded the Stooges what they did best. Soon there was more Punch, Bop, Bang, Nyuk Nyuk and Wooo Wooo than any civilized person could take. Meanwhile Emril...

Went to the store to get more seltzer, grits, and replacement lightbulbs. Suddenly...

 

[MadHatter]

..bottles of seltzer appeared everywhere- seltzer heaven in actaul fact- and our three favourite guys- the funniest guys we know started to...

 

[ezdays]

...set up a bar in the club car. All they had was seltzer, but they figured that somehow, someone would come up with some booze. This was not their typical use of seltzer water, but they were desperate to make some extra money so they could...

 

[CNWman]

...pay they RRR for the damage they caused in the observation car's roof when they crashed through it. Then the car suddenly jerked foward, the train was moving! The Stooges went up to the head of the train to get it to stop, but what they found was...

 

[Pitchwife]

Emeril at the throttle. "Dis train ain't stoppin until I get some hot sauce!" he growled. "An it better be HOT if you know what I mean."
Well, the boys being "The Boys", ...

 

[ezdays]

...figured that could make any sauce hot by throwing it in the firebox.
"Hey knucklehead, hand me that box of sauce over there", says Moe.
Curly reached for the box of not-so-hot sauce just as the train jarred as it begain the uphill climb. As usual, because of this, the Stooge grabbed the wrong box, and we now have Moe opening up the firebox and getting ready to throw in a box of....

 

[Art Decko]

... Acme Super-Strength Skyrockets. Just as the firebox door clanged shut, ...

 

[CNWman]

... Acme Super-Strength Skyrockets. Just as the firebox door clanged shut, ...

...the engine suddenly lurched foward and accelerated up to 126 MPH, and right into the path of a UP SD40-2 hauling at least one sample of every dangerous kind of liquid explosive and chemical known to man...

 

[N Gauger]

Emeril Hollered out "Now ya bums have done it!!!! If we don't switch off dis track we're gonna go "BAM"!!!! The stooges went crazy talking and screaming and crying... Until...

Curley Screamed: "WAIT: you know?? If we had a way -- to hit that switch arm, from here -- we could switch off onto that other side track ahead"!!!

Moe yelled back: Grrreat!!!! What an Intelligent Imbecile!!! But now, Puddin' head - where are we going to find..........

 

[MadHatter]

...something long enough to reach the stand?
Curly Joe then said that they should try and get hold of the long arm of the law.
Larry replied that...

 

[ezdays]

...they were already running from the law and a lawman with a long arm was the last thing they needed.

But wait, there they were, a pack of Indians chasing the train. "twanggggg" went the arrow, bounced off the club car steps, onto the smokestack and careened into the switch just as the two approaching trains were about to crash.

"we're saved, we're saved" the boys shouted, but they forgot about the Indians who were getting closer and closer to the train... until finally....

 

[steamhead]

Emeril stopped hollerin for crawdads and settled on hot dogs, which were quickly done to a crisp in the firebox, and he began chucking them out the cab window at the indians, who knew a good thing when they saw one, so...

 

[CNWman]

having not eaten hot dogs in a LOOOONGGG time, the Hikowi indians stopped chasing the train and had a hot dog feast. Meanwhile, the train carying our heroes pulled off to the side, letting the chemical-accident-waiting-to-happen train pass. But then, completley unkown to our heroes...