You Might Be a Model Railroader If:
1-you walk into your favorite hobby shop, and the employees immediately say, "Hi, [your name], we'll get the boss for you."
2-you've ever plunked down half your paycheck for equipment in your favorite scale, and then wondered what it would be like to model in a different scale.
3-you've ever sold a perfectly good freight or passenger car, only because the new superdetailed one you just bought makes the old one look bland.
4-you really agonize over decisions like, "Should I buy flowers for my wife or a pair of turnouts for my new staging yard?"
5-you talk about your favorite scale with the zeal and fervor of an evangelist promoting his religion.
6-you see a piece of plywood, and your first thought is to imagine what kind of layout could be built on it.
7-you haven't let your son play with "his" trains since last Christmas.
8-you honestly feel that, if your wife buys a new video tape, that entitles you to buy a freight car, and a new outfit for her means an engine for you. Fair is fair.
9-you've ever gotten into a debate over whether Kato is pronounced "kay-to" or "kah-to."
10-you name the places on your railroad after your wife and children, mostly out of guilt for spending so much time on the layout instead of with them.
11-you've ever traced the route of a wire under your layout by pulling on it.
12-brass isn't something you polish, it's something you paint and weather.
13-you spend more on your model trains in a year than most Third-World nations spend on the real thing.
14-the latest issue of Model Railroader arrives on the same day as your federal tax refund check, and you open the magazine first.
15-the latest issue of Model Railroader arrives on the same day as your state tax refund check, and the only reason you open the check first is so you'll know how much you can afford to spend as you read the ads in the magazine.
16-you've ever bought a freight car you had no use for, just because it looked so nice, and then bought more just like it, so it wouldn't look out of place.
17-you've ever been tempted to send flame e-mail to someone whose only wrongdoing was outbidding you for that special engine on eBay.
18-your wife buys you a bag of ground foam and a box of Hydrocal for your birthday, and you're speechless with joy.
19-you hate watching The Addams Family because of what Gomez does to those gorgeous, rare tinplate trains.
20-you've ever suggested that your wife's ceramic Christmas village needs a train running through it.
21-someone says he's finished his model railroad, and you sadly shake your head and say he's missed the point of the entire hobby.
22-your model trains run closer to schedule than CSX's do in real life.
23-you have a manila folder (or a subdirectory on your computer) full of home-drawn trackplans that you know you'll never build, but they're too good to get rid of.
24-you look forward to the latest announcements from your favorite engine maker with more enthusiasm than a six-year-old looks forward to Christmas.
25-you think that three hours forming and mounting wire grab-irons on a caboose is time well spent.
26-you never miss a chance to try and interest your children in your hobby, even your teen-age son who's in the "cars" stage.
27-you've ever poured your heart into showing off your layout for friends, and their only questions are, "How much did all this cost?" and, "How fast can the engine go?"
28-you sincerely believe that the concept of limited-run engines and cars was dreamed up by the Devil himself.
29-you're setting up a simple Lionel train set to run around the Christmas tree, and you're mentally planning the scenery and structures you'll need "to make it look right."
30-you hate collectors, because they drive up the prices of the equipment you're trying to collect. (But you're going to run yours, and that's different.)
31-your wife assumes you can fix toasters, radios, and vacuum cleaners because "you know all about that wiring stuff from working on your trains, right?"
32-you've ever told yourself, "Never again will I try to mount tiny coupler springs while working over a shag rug!"
33-you've ever felt smug because you found an inaccuracy in a published photo of somebody else's gorgeous layout. Not that you'd ever say anything about it, of course.
34-you've ever refused to buy a model freight car because the stencilled build date (which you had to squint to read) is a year off from the era you're modeling.
35-you've visited a hobby shop on a busy day, and wound up answering detailed questions for the customers.
36-you justify the money you spent at a train show as "just doing my part to improve the nation's economy."
37-your wife gives you something expensive but inappropriate, like an articulated stack car when you model the 50's, and you run it to avoid hurting her feelings, but the whole time, you're squirming inside.
38-you can recite the plot line from at least five Thomas the Tank Engine episodes.
39-you grumble through the entire family vacation trip because there wasn't time to stop at Northlandz.
40-you refuse to buy an inexpensive, beautifully-detailed boxcar lettered for your favorite railroad, because the real thing had fourteen ribs and the model has sixteen.
41-you feel compelled to browse in the local mall's hobby shop every time you go near it, even though you know they charge list price and have nothing you need.
42-you've ever run two or more identical cars in a train, and hoped no one else noticed that the road numbers were the same.
43-you've ever tried to justify bringing home a new freight car on the grounds that it's your wife's favorite color.
44-you talk about the merits of DCC versus cab control at parties.
45-hardly a day goes by without you making progress on planning the layout you're going to build someday.
46-your family has ever eaten in the den because the kitchen table was buried in decals, tools, and detail parts for your latest project.
47-you've ever gotten defensive with your railroading friends about buying a model engine or car from a manufacturer they hold in contempt.
48-you've ever calculated how long your layout is in scale miles, and padded the number by adding the lengths of the sidings and spurs.
49-it constantly annoys you that the kits for model airplanes, cars, and boats in the hobby shop aren't made to useful scales, like 1:87 or 1:160.
50-you've ever told anyone, "I can quit buying freight cars any time I want!"