Train joke of the day

Discussion in 'The Caboose' started by ezdays, Nov 10, 2007.

  1. Triplex

    Triplex Active Member

    There hasn't been a road engine built without them in over 20 years. I can't see anything on a Green Goat or genset switcher that I can identify as dynamics, though.
  2. Ralph

    Ralph's for fun!

    :) I liked the "Live bugs on order" myself!
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica] Back during the war, when anyone could get a job braking, the D&H hired a new kid from Troy. The Superintendent gave him his copy of the [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]Book of Rules [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]and told him, "Now take this and study it. Keep it with you at all times on the railroad, because any situation that might come up is covered in the [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]Book of Rules[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]."

    So the kid takes his book, says, "Thank you, Sir, I sure will!" and goes home to study the book. That night he gets a call for No. 7, the less-than-premier sleeper train from Troy to Montreal. He gets on the train at Troy, and the conductor tells him to go back and make sure the lanterns are all lighted and ready to go on the rear platform. The train pulls out while he's walking back through the sleepers, and up around West Waterford he's walking through one car when he sees a woman's bare posterior exposed through the curtains of an upper berth.

    "Hmmmmm — How do I handle this? Oh yeah, the [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]Book of Rules[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]!" So he gets out the Good Book, then runs to the rear of the train, grabs a red lantern and hangs it on the berth. Next comes a traveling salesman, who sees parted curtains and the red light, and gets the entirely wrong idea. Needless to say, there was blood on the moon when the word got back to the Old Man the following day, and the kid had a message waiting on his return to report to the Superintendent's Office RIGHT NOW!

    He walks in, and the Old Man inquires politely, "Son, what in the world were you thinking of when you hung that red lamp on that poor woman's berth on Monday night?" "Well, Sir," the new hire started, "you told me that anything that came up on the railroad was covered by a rule in the [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]Book of Rules.[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]"

    "Yes, I did," said the Old Man. "But where in hell did you find a rule to cover that one?" "Right here," the new guy replied. "It says, 'The rear end of a sleeper, exposed by night, must be protected by a red light."

    Next day the kid was a Trainmaster.

    Author unknown

  4. rogerw

    rogerw Active Member

    good one loren:mrgreen::mrgreen:
  5. Mountain Man

    Mountain Man Active Member


    As the railroad inches it's way across the Transcontinental Divide, the foreman of the work crew has to leave to attend to important business. He leaves various members of his gang in charge of specific duties, such as tie - laying, tack laying, spiking and so forth, but his head Chinese laborer also wants something to take charge of. Finally, the foreman has it. "You will be charge of the supplies", he says, and leaves for his meeting.

    When he returns two weeks later, things are right on schedule and the crews are making good progress, but there is no sign on the Chinaman. The foreman searches the camp, the work gangs and finally decides to search the newest tunnel. As he approaches a bend in the tunnel, the Chinaman abruptly leaps out and screams "SUPPLIES!"

  6. ezdays

    ezdays Out AZ way

    :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8:
  7. puddlejumper

    puddlejumper Member

    A young man walks into the local railroad office to apply for a job as a tower operator. The old railroad super looks the kid up and down and says "ok, so you're the operator in the tower. Suddenly you realize there are two trains coming, one in each direction, on the same track. If you don't do something there will surely be a collision. What do you do?"

    "Well", said the young man, "I would throw the lever and switch one train to a different track."

    "Good" replied the Super, "But what if the lever didn't work?"

    "Then I would go down to the trackside and throw the switch by hand" replied the young man.

    "Good, but what if the manual switch lever was broken?" asked the Super.

    "Then I would run back to the tower and phone the next tower up the line and have him switch one train to a different track."

    "And what if the phone lines were down?" asked the Super.

    "Well, then I guess I would run into town and get my Paw." said the young man.

    "Run and git yer Paw? What kind of answer is that? Why in the world would you run and git yer Paw?!?" asked the Super.

    "Cuz my Paw ain't never seen no big train wreck before!!"

  8. MadHatter

    MadHatter Charging at full tilt.

    These are all classics!
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica]A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street.
    "Hey, buddy, can you spare two dollars?"
    The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You're not going to spend it on liquor, are you?"
    "No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.
    "You're not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman.
    "No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.
    "You wouldn't waste the money at a model train store to improve your layout, would you?" asks the man.
    "No, never," says the bum, "I don't play with trains."
    The gentleman then asks the bum if he would like to come back to his house for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they're heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him.
    The bum asks: "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"
    "Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play with trains."

  10. sgtcarl

    sgtcarl Member

    bad joke,
    bad joke,
    whatcha gonna do
    when the bad joke cops come for you?
  11. Squidbait

    Squidbait Recovering ALCO-holic

    A couple are travelling across Canada by train. After a couple of days of seeing nothing but prairie, the train rolls to a stop at a station.

    Not seeing any signs, the husband says he'll get off and stretch his legs on the platform, and ask someone where they are.

    When he finds a man on the platform, he asks "Excuse me, can you tell me what town this is?"

    The man smiles, and says "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan!"

    The husband smiles, nods, and gets back on the train. When he meets his wife in their compartment she asks "So, where are we?"

    The husband replies "I don't know dear, they don't speak English here!"
  12. Pitchwife

    Pitchwife Dreamer


    It was the height of the depression and food was scarce, especially for knights of the road. Two hobos were walking down the tracks when they came across a dead cat. One turns to the other and says "It's not much, but we can split it and each get a little to eat."
    "That's OK," says the other. "You go ahead and eat the whole thing."
    The first one, unwilling to look a gift horse in the mouth chokes down the cat. As the cat's carcass wasn't all that fresh, a few minutes later he upchucks his feast, whereupon the second hobo snatches it and gobbles it down.
    The first hobo looks at him in shock. "I don't get it. At first you wouldn't eat it but after I did and threw it up you gobbled it up. Why would you do that?"
    "It's simple." said the first one. "I prefer my meals warm."

    REMEMBER, I WARNED YOU. peasoup :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
  13. Ralph

    Ralph's for fun!


    Yeah you did Clark, but a warning like that is just gonna attract my attention.
    Ugh, by the way. :)
  14. ezdays

    ezdays Out AZ way

    An old one:

    Attached Files:

  15. beamish

    beamish HO & Steam Engineer

    As someone from this foreign place of Saskatoon this joke really made my day.

    BTW it is really cold here today -30*C with a windchill of -60*C we got about 6 inches of snow last night and we are supposed to get about 4 more this morning :canada1::winter1:
  16. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    Thanks Mike. I'm here at 32 and a 1/4 inch of snow, the furnace turned up to 72, the wood stove going, freezing my butt off. Now I feel like I'm in the tropics compared to where your at.


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