Train joke of the day

Discussion in 'The Caboose' started by ezdays, Nov 10, 2007.

  1. ezdays

    ezdays Out AZ way

    I just thought it might be fun to start a joke of the day with a train theme. We could have more than one joke every day, and they can even be real groaners, like this one:

    One year, a traveling ballet troupe decided to perform Swan Lake. It spent months rehearsing. Two days before hitting the road, it held a dress rehearsal. Unfortunately, moths had gotten into the tutus. They were destroyed. And there was no place in town to buy new ones. So the producer called around to neighboring cities. Eventually, a shop promised to deliver tutus by train the next day. The producer went to the train station to await delivery. The stationmaster noticed him and asked if he needed help. “No,” he replied. “I’m just waiting for the tutu train.”

    :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8: :v8:

    I found that in Kim Komando's weekly newsletter...
  2. bigsteel

    bigsteel Call me Mr.Tinkertrain

    sign1,good joke,made me laugh atleast!--josh
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    Hell of a thing to read first thing in the morning. I'm going back to bed and hide for the rest of the day.:p

  4. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    Ok Don, now you've done it.

    A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
    "What's going on?" she yells out the window.
    "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
    Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
    Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
    The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
    She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
  5. steamhead

    steamhead Active Member

    Great jokes guys....:thumb: Unfortunately I don't know ANY train jokes....:cry:
  6. N Gauger

    N Gauger 1:20.3 Train Addict

    The newlyweds were riding the train on their way to their honeymoon. They were both tired from the celebration and were getting ready for bed in their sleeper....

    Wife -- looking out the window into the darkness: It's amazing how experienced our enginneer must be

    Husband: What makes you say that, my dear?

    Wife: Well..... While you were getting the bed all set up, I noticed that, we 'Just make it" through every green light - Just before they Turn RED!!!!
  7. ezdays

    ezdays Out AZ way

    Here's one for today:

    A man stopped at a railroad crossing and was about to proceed to walk across when he noticed two men working on the tracks.

    One man would remove the spikes from a tie, and dig around it as to clear away the ballast.

    The second man would then replace the ballast and drive in the same old spikes.

    This continued for a while and the man became puzzled.

    He walked up to the men and asked, “what are you guys doing, one man takes out the spikes and ballast around a tie, then the second one goes back and fills in the ballast and replaces the spikes. What’s going on; isn’t that just a waste of time and energy?”

    Well, the one worker replied, “there are usually three of us on this job. Mike’s job is to free up the tie so that Rodney can put in a new one, then I go back, fill in the ballast, and spike down the new tie. Well, Rodney is home sick today, and just because he’s not here, doesn’t mean that the rest of us can’t work does it?”
  8. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    Here's my joke for the day

    NASA DEVICE TESTS HIGH SPEED TRAIN SAFETY: Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
    British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab.
    Horrified Brittons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
    NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken".
  9. hmas

    hmas Member

    sorry I'm only here so I will be notified of new jokes & if I find some I can add them.:wave:
  10. ezdays

    ezdays Out AZ way

    OK, here's one for today:

    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica]A man traveling by train asks the conductor what time the train stops at Victoria. "Sir, we don't stop at Victoria," the conductor said.

    "But I have to get off there!" he insisted.
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica]
    "Well, there might be one thing I can do. I might be able to get the engineer to slow down the train a little. Then I can dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."
    [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]

    "Will that work?"
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica]
    "It's worth a try."
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica]
    As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 50 MPH. The collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door.The man starts running in mid-air. "Run faster! Faster!" He lowers the man and the man's feet touch the platform. His shoes start to smoke! His heel comes off!
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica]
    He's running at 30 MPH. He's made it! He starts to slow down! The other passengers stare in amazement.
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica]
    As the last car goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts the man right back into the train! As he's helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says, "Man you're lucky I was here to help! This train doesn't even
    [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica]STOP[/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica] in Victoria!"[/FONT]​
  11. CNWman

    CNWman CNW Fan

    Mythbusters actualy tested that and proved it Confirmed. That episode was when they built their infamous 'Chicken Gun'sign1
  12. ezdays

    ezdays Out AZ way

    One more for today. Anybody else got any funny train jokes????

    A New York businessman boarded a train in Albany on his way to Buffalo. As it was a night train, he took a sleeper car and gave the porter strict instructions to awaken him and put him off in Buffalo.
    "I am a very heavy sleeper," the passenger said, "and I may give you a hard time, but I have an extremely important corporate meeting to attend. Make sure you put me off in Buffalo – even if you have to throw me off on my pajamas."

    The next morning the man woke up to find himself in Cleveland. He located the porter and chewed him out with some very abusive language. After the man left, a bystander asked the porter how he could stand there and take the verbal abuse. "That weren’t nothin’," the porter replied. You should’ve heard the guy I put off in Buffalo!"
  13. TrainNut

    TrainNut Ditat Deus

    A joke from my 5 year old...
    What kind of train can sneeze?
    Ah choo choo!
  14. CNWman

    CNWman CNW Fan

    What do you call a train hauling bubble gum?
    A Chew-Chew train!
  15. steamhead

    steamhead Active Member

    I ran across this today....

    Railroad Redneck [​IMG] Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck, are all sitting down to lunch.
    The Chinese man says, "If I get another egg roll in my lunch, I'll kill myself."
    The Italian guy says, "If I get another slice of pizza, I'll kill myself." The redneck says, "Iffin I get another ham hock, I'll kill myself."

    The next day, all three men get the same lunches, so they throw themselves in front of an oncoming train. At the funeral the Chinese man's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed an egg roll that day."
    The Italian guy's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed a slice of pizza that day." "Don't look at me," says the redneck's wife. "He done packed his own vittles." :mrgreen:
  16. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    This is a squawk sheet left for the Engine shops by a train crew.
    (P) Dynamic brakes don't work at any speed.
    (S) This locomotive not equipped with dynamic brake.

    (P) #2 traction motor seeping oil.
    (S) #2 traction motor seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 motors lack normal seepage.

    (P) Something loose in cab.
    (S) Something tightened in cab.

    (P) Evidence of leak in crankcase.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) Alternator volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level.

    (P) Locomotive dances up and down when brake applied at 89MPH.
    (S) Could not reproduce problem in enginehouse.

    (P) Dead bugs on windshield.
    (S) Live bugs on order.

    (P) Parking brake cause throttle lever to stick.
    (S) That's what its there for.

    (P) Engine missing.
    (S) Engine found under hood after brief search.

    (P) Locomotive handles funny.
    (S) Locomotive given verbal warning to be serious.

    (P) Radio hums.
    (S) Reprogrammed radio with the words
  17. Kevinkrey

    Kevinkrey Member

    I love that one NomaD by far my favorite.
  18. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    Here's another one for today. Author unknown.

    Yard Goat - the critter used by the railroad to keep down the weeds within yard limits.

    Tunnel motor - the thing that makes the doors in front of a tunnel open and close.

    Feed water - what they mix the yard goat's chow with when he runs out of weeds.

    Switch stand - where they stack up the turnout components before taking 'em out and spiking 'em in place.

    Tie plates - the china they use at them fancy like restaurants where ya hafta where a tie to get in.

    Water tank - one of them amphibibious fighting vehicles the marines use to storm an enemy beach.

    Crummy - how you feel after the yard goat butts you.

    Cross bucks - the dollars it takes to replace that sign guarding a grade crossing when the fellow with the hi-rail truck runs it over.

    Turn table - the thing thing in the superintendents office you want to chuck out the window after he plays Chatenooga Choo Choo for the five hundredth time.

    Yard master - nickname for that dad-gum yard goat. Thinks he owns the place!
  19. CNWman

    CNWman CNW Fan

    These are my favorites, especialy the 'Engine missing' one, that's just hilarious!sign1 BTW are dynamic brakes even still used nowadays?
  20. Nomad

    Nomad Active Member

    I know. My favorite is " engine handles funny ".
    Btw, it's not mine. Author unknown.


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