"Once upon a Train"

[Pitchwife]

Hoppy"s horse which now had eight legs.
"Wrackenflaven!" exclaimed the scientest. "Now we'll have to disdefunctionate the hyperbarrelinium and deflavenize a micropolorizational before we can vactulize the extra flavenlegs and get the poor flavenbeast back to normal."
"Never mind," said Hoppy. "With the extra legs my horse can run twice as fast and twice as far."
"You don't underflavenstand." said the Dr. "If we don't demolecularize the flavenlegs the horse will.....

 

[Papa Bear]

...enter into polarized deflocculation cycle and then exfoliate into hydrogenated polyunsaturated particles at the speed of light!"

"So you're saying," Hoppy said, "that would be a bad thing."

"Precisely!"

Curly chimed in, "But have you considered that in a polyunsaturated flavenization with an associated temporal distention, that particulate deceleration is no longer a constant."

The other two Stooges looked on in amazement. "Where did he learn to talk like that?" asked Larry. As for Moe, there was only one thing for him to say...

 

[ezdays]

...BAM! bAM!

What's going on here? "I know said LC, who was now really Harold Hill. When we hit the peak resonant dioptor harmonic, we not only had a time warp, but a people warp. Each of us now inhabits someone else's body."

:"Now way", said Hoppy in a high pitched voice, "I'm not riding any stinkin' horse."

Martha replied in her deepest bass, "You leave that horse out of this, and this sufflee as well."

Oh my oh my, what to do. We are in a real pickle, who is now running the train and are they qualified?

"Nyuk, nyuk", said the engineer, and they all knew that...

 

[Pitchwife]

...the train was doomed unless they could figure out who was whom and how to get them doing the right job. "First we have to figure out who the engineer is so we can get this train under control." Hoppy/the mad scientest said.
"That would be me." came a strange voice. Everyone turned to see who had spoken. To their amazement the engineer was now, (drum roll) Topper! (remember Hoppy's eight legged horse) "Just get me up into the engine," he/it said, "and I'll.....

 

[Papa Bear]

...bring us home." There was, however, a snag in his plan; he couldn't fit through the door! So he put his horse sense to work. "Emeril, quick, bring some lard to grease the doorway so I can slip through."

"Lard?!?" an astonished Martha/Emeril replied, "Are you crazy? Don't you know we're counting carbs here? Why don't you try some virgin olive oil instead?"

"Whatever," said Topper/Engineer, "But hurry up. I've got to stop this train before we get to the Loop de Loop Mountains!"

"I don't think we can get Topper through there," said Hoppy/scientist, "I've got another plan...

 

[ezdays]

....Let's just see if we can reach that wall plug from the power pack and pull it out."

Yes folks, it seems as if our passengers and train is not only in a time warp, and the passengers and crew in a people warp, but apparently, they have all shrunk down exactly to 1/160th of their original size. apparently, they are running on a famous layout.

"Hmm", said Curly, who now talks a lot like Paul Harvey, "doesn't that house there look like it's made out of a cereal box inside?"

"No, no", said Moe, who now had this desire to lead a brass band, "Look at those buildings in the background, they look like paper close up. surely we are in the presence of greatness, no matter who's layout we're on."

How can they decide, are they on Robin's layout, Jim Marksbery's layout or another one of equal distinction? How can they reverse this situation they're in, they've been delt a triple wammy and as we all know, there's only one way to correct this. Stay tuned when....

 

[N Gauger]

We'll hear Larry say: " Ya'know? I dont think we're in OZ anymore"

Moe goes to smack him - but Moe is across the room in one of the sherriff's bodies & Can't reach Larry

Wil we ever get the 3 Stooges back???? And Will anyone care IF Martha comes back??? and where (Who) is wearing her "Fancy Gov. Issued Ankle bracelet"?????

You have to think, that at least, Someone could.................

 

[ezdays]

...blast the whistle and see what that will do, it's worked before. LC, who now sounded like Larry, smacked Emeril with a 2 x 4, who in turn did an eye poke sending LC stumbling into Paul Harvey, who acted like Curley, who in turn bumped ito Hoppy's horse who was busy baking a cake. The cake flew into the engine cab and caught the whistle cord creating a very long and loud t-o-O-O-T-T

Well, it didn't take much, it worked again. That sound was indeed what was needed. One-by-one each passenger began to wake up. They looked at theirselves and discovered they were indeed who they were suppose to be. They looked out the window a saw they were not in any time warp nor were they anything but full prototype scale. It seems as if the Stooges, in their excuberance, didn't turn off the tank of gas used to fill the ballons for the party, and everyone simply fell asleep.

"Wow, what a scare," said John D. "Now that we're back to normal, let's get this show on the road, we're now heading into...

 

[N Gauger]

Hollywood, and we have to get to LA quick!!!

The enineer and fireman worked frantically, but the engine.........

 

[ezdays]

...stalled. "Pull that cord, dummy" said Moe, "that's how I get my lawn mower to run."

"No, NO, the key, ya just turn the ignition key euwee," said Curly.

"Hey you bird-brains, you're all wrong, we gotta get out and turn the crank," Larry yelled.

Seems like the boys are at it again." We are so close to Hollywood we can see the sign from here,: said Hoppy, been here many a-time. "See, there it is, H-O-L--E-I-W-O-R-M, HOLY CRABAPPLES!!!!!, this ain't Hollywood, and that's not Union Station over there either. That's, t-t-h-a-a-t's, HOLY COW!!," As his voice shook, "t-H-a-T-t-t looks like....

 

[N Gauger]

Kansas.... How in the world - did we end up in kansas?????

Moe stared ahead blankly and said................

 

[ezdays]

..just ask that little girl in the blue apron and ruby slippers holding that dog. I'll bet she'll know how we got to Kansas."

The girl looked at the group and caught a glimps of Martha and started to quiver. "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" she asked. "and who are all those other folks, some sort of overgrown Munchkins?"

"Don't hurt me" said the lion, and then everyone got the idea that....

 

[Papa Bear]

...maybe they really were in Hollywood, just in one of those summer blockbusters. As the train stopped at the station, they could see several small men installing new yellow bricks in the street at the nearby grade crossing. Just up the street was a house with two legs sticking out from under it. When the door opened and Arnold Schwarzenegger stepped out, it became clear that...

 

[N Gauger]

he was looking for something... but it wasn't easily discovered who had termin.. er dropped (yeah that's he ticket) a house on someone's sister.....

Ther legs and shoes were sticking out, just as Arnold turned and saw the train!!!

"Hey you!!!!"

Curly pointed to Moe - "I think he's pointin' at where your standing!!"

Moe quickly said --- " you mean he's pointing to WHERE I WAS!!!!!"

They ran - in stooge fashion....

The engineer just stared blankly as the huge man leaped one the train and into the cab!

"Thees iz now my official campaign base of operrrationz!!!!" -- "Move it!!!!" (pointing forward)

~~~ The train Lurched into gear..... The Governator started shaking hands & handing out campaign stuff..... which, when, he handed Martha some... she gasped!!!!

................ For written on these particular campaign handouts was (and you won't believe the picture) ................

 

[ezdays]

....a picture of Martha in her prison jumpsuite and steel cuffs with the caption, "Would you want her to be in charge of your kitchen?" He was obviously trying to placate the Food Network crowd. No way was the crowd going to stand for that. Where's the Duke when you need him, he was on the train a while back, but where did he go? If they could only get him to challange the Govenator, they would have a chance to regain control of their beloved train and roll on to destinations yet to be discovered. The crowd scattered looking for the Duke, when Curly yelled, "hey, over here fellas, look what I found, it's gunna get us all....

 

[Pitchwife]

...where we want to go." He picked up a TV remote control, pushed a button, and in an instant were switched from the Food Network to the Travel Channel. It seems that for the first time in his life Curly had made the right decision. "Now all we have to do is.....

 

[N Gauger]

...........Get Martha to watch it! They all stood back, as Martha's eyes fixated on the single screen, staring like a huge eye.... She moved very slowly ....... as if not wanting to frighten it, lest it run away.....

The show was of "The French Chef", as the chef reached for the cloves, Martha went into a rage...

She balled her fists and stated hollering, "Where's The BEEF!?!?!?!

Then everyone realized, that not only had it been days since they ate a respectable Oxen meal, That they had lost track of (Pun intended) Paul bunyon & Babe and Harold hill....

That's it!!! Gried the Governator, "We hav tu turrrn arrond the train!! We Havta go Bak!!!!"

Everyone jumped off the train and in true loony tunes fashion - lifted it up & turned it around and headed back!!!!

........................... Out of the Firemans window, leered an interestink sight, a huge man, leering at the passing trees... "I told you - I'D BE BAK!!!!!"

.......... uh..............back to where????............................................

 

[ezdays]

....why, back to ToonTown of course. Seems as if the French Chef that they were viewing on TV was indeed the French Chef from the Muppets Show and Emeril had a few questions on technique. Besides, Arrnolld was raviously hungry, and a Basted Blue Babe sounded mighty good.

As they headed back, they all gathered in the club car to recount their recent adventures. Seeing as all the passengers and crew were there,the ever vigilant conductor decided to take a head count. Hey, there could be someone that snuck aboard without a ticket and he'd find out soon enough. But instead, he came up short. Looking about he yelled, "Oh my!!! we are missing three people. Hey, has anyone seen....

 

[N Gauger]

.................... Elvis and the man in Black or The Shadow???????

They all looked around dumbfounded (which wasn't difficult for a few of them) they looked at each other & looked around and decided, the 3 of them were lost......

The conductor said "Well, they got back on the train at the last stop, see -- I have their Golden Tickets"

Everyone looked in awe at the Willie Wonka Golden Tickets... This could mean only One Thing............................................

 

[Pitchwife]

They were taking a ride on the Chocolate Choo Choo. (get your minds out of the gutter ) As if to confirm this, an Oompa Loompa engineer strolled by whistling.....