Discussion in 'Off Topic Lounge' started by bulldogowner, Aug 4, 2010.

  1. red_hoplite

    red_hoplite New Member

    Lol... So funny... Thanks for sharing... :)
  2. Zathros

    Zathros Guest

    I would advise posting jokes, instead of emoticons and LOL's. I'm not going so far as to say, no joke, no post, but one "That's great" and a "LOL" is enough.

    Joker) "I was driving to work when all of a sudden, a henway ran in front of me, and I ran it over!"

    Jokee) "What's a henway?"

    Joker) "Oh, around 4 to 5 lbs"

    See, it's easy, even if it's bad.

  3. Rhaven Blaack

    Rhaven Blaack ADMINISTRATOR Administrator

    A nun walked into a bar, the other one ducked.
  4. Zathros

    Zathros Guest

    So this trucker is carrying a load of bowling balls up north to have the finger holes drilled in them and........wait.....I can't tell that one, sorry, for those of who know it, I know you are laughing! :p
  5. Vince

    Vince Member

    What do you call a cow with no legs?

    Ground Beef.
  6. Vince

    Vince Member

    What do you call a dog with no legs?

    Call him anything you want, he still won't come to you.
  7. Vortex_4200

    Vortex_4200 Member

    Sunday morning in church:

    As the preacher and the congergation are singing, the devil appears in a burst of flames and a cloud of brimstone and he roars!
    The preacher and the congergation run out of the church, except for one man he his looking at his song book.
    The devil roars again! the man doesn't move just keeps looking at his song book
    The devil gets right up in the mans face and roars again! the man still not flinching and still looking at his song book says "You can't scare me, I'm married to your sister."
  8. marinesniper2008

    marinesniper2008 New Member

    police thinking

    a man was driving pretty fast at 2am a cop pulls him over and said what are you doing out at this hour, the gentalman replied im going to a lecture on what drinking, smoking and staying out alnight will do to the body...
    the cop said who is giving a lecture at this time of the morning?

    the man says MY WIFE :) :)
  9. micahrogers

    micahrogers Active Member

    If at first you don't succeed... Skydiving is not for you.
  10. Spartacus

    Spartacus Member

    I spent three hours at my wife's gave this morning.

    Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
  11. Experimental Designs

    Experimental Designs Papercraft Visionary

    A pastor was holding a sermon about resurrection and he asked the crowd if anyone knew what resurrection was.
    A 6 year old boy rose up with a smile on his face, so proud to know the answer and said: “It’s when if you have it for more than 4 hours you should call a doctor.”
  12. zathros

    zathros -----SENIOR---- Administrator

    That's really funny!

    A father is camping with his very young son and they are both taking a morning pee when the son looks over to the father and says, "What's that?", the father, caught off guard and embarrassed says, "Why that's my nerve son."

    Later that week, the little boy had to go to pee really bad and the Kindergarten teacher wouldn't acknowledge his raised his hand, so the little boy runs up to the window and proceeds to go pee out the window. The teacher, quite angry says, "Why you've got some nerve!", to which the boy replies, "You think that's something, you should see my Dad's!!". :)
  13. Revell-Fan

    Revell-Fan Co-Administrator Administrator

    Recently in class.
    Teacher: "How many letters are in the alphabet?"
    Pupil: "24."
    Teacher (surprised): "What makes you think that?"
    Pupil: "Well, you know, E.T. has gone home!"
  14. Rhaven Blaack

    Rhaven Blaack ADMINISTRATOR Administrator

    A dog walks into an office with a newspaper in his mouth. He walks up to the desk, spits the paper out, places his paw on an advertisement, and barks. the man sitting at the desk says, "You need to be able to type a 75 words per minute with less then 5 mistake". So the dog goes over to the type writer and is able to type 100 words per with 0 mistakes. The man said "OK, but you have to take dictations at 100 words per minute". So the dog had shown that he could do it at 150 words per minute. Then the man said "FINE, you need to know short-hand". The dog was able to demonstrate that he could write in short-hand. At this point the man was starting to get annoyed with the dog, so he finally said "You have to be bilingual". The dog looked at the man and said "MEOW"!
  15. Revell-Fan

    Revell-Fan Co-Administrator Administrator

    LOL! That was good! Here's another one:

    Two friends sitting at the bar:
    - I've got a headache.
    - Ah, I know what it's like. Yesterday I had one, too.
    - And what did you do to get rid of it?
    - I made love to my wife. Worked fine, the headache disappeared immediately. You should give it a try, too.
    - Hmm... Do you think your wife will approve?
  16. Trimble Epic

    Trimble Epic New Member

    My wife's father once played an album by the band called Bread. She asked about it, and he told her the list of songs was things like:
    PB & J
    Ham & Cheese
    Fried Balogna
    Egg Salad

    sounds like Jimmy Buffet's actual repertoire if you ask me ;)
  17. Trimble Epic

    Trimble Epic New Member

    Two blind guys walk into a bar... of them only broke his nose, and the other had a mild concussion.
  18. Trimble Epic

    Trimble Epic New Member

    Three men died and went to heaven.

    At the gates of heaven, St Peter explains that in heaven, they get around in cars... But the quality of the car is based on how well you behaved back on earth.

    The first man walked up to St. Peter and explained that he was a faithful husband for 40 years, a great father, and always gave offerings to the church. He was given a Mercedes.

    The second man walked up and explained to St. Peter that he was not as perfect as the first man. He had had a hard life, and cheated on his wife once, but otherwise tried as hard as he could. He was given a Toyota.

    The third man got worried. He had to explain that he had been a real dog. He was never faithful to his girlfriends, had been divorced numerous times, never went to church, and even robbed a liquor store once. He was given an old used Geo Metro.

    ...So, one day the third man is driving around heaven in his old beat up car when he happens upon the first man. He is parked at the side of the road, out of his car crying on the side of the road. The third man jumps out of his car and runs over to see what is the matter. The third man explains "How can you be crying? We're in heaven and you've got the best car. Everything is going your way.. what could possibly go wrong?"

    The first man turns to him and says, sobbingly, "you don't understand.. I just saw my wife... she had a skateboard!"
  19. mikeee741

    mikeee741 New Member

    LOL i like this.

    Nice jokes ...
    Thanks for sharing..!!
  20. Revell-Fan

    Revell-Fan Co-Administrator Administrator

    What the F...!

    A Battlestar Galactica joke... I really wondered WHEN somebody would deal with THIS topic:


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