I feel the need to get shot tonight...

Discussion in 'Getting Started' started by kadidle, Dec 10, 2005.

  1. kadidle

    kadidle Member


    . Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

    2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

    3. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

    5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.

    6. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

    7. Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

    8. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    9. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

    10. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    11. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    12. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

    13. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    14. You have enough clothes.

    15. You have too many shoes.

    16. Crying is blackmail.

    17. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one. Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

    18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

    19. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

    20. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    21. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    22. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

    23. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    24. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    25. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, or Jet Li flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway).

    26. Check your oil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

    27. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

    28. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

    29. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

    30. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

    31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    32. Let us ogle (stare). We're going to look anyway. It's genetic.

    33. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.

    34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    35. If it itches, it will be scratched.

    36. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

    37. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong.

    38. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

    39. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that. It's like camping.
  2. zedob

    zedob Member

    Some of those are so funny...and soooo right.:thumb:
  3. jim currie

    jim currie Active Member

    :thumb: :thumb:
  4. nachoman

    nachoman Guest

    i love beer!

  5. ausien

    ausien Active Member

    Just where are you standing kad? I hope its not infront of me,,,, I am alergic to bullets..... though most are a true observation, but you said it... are you nuts, or just tired of living... mate you had better though your hat in the door first before you follow, if it come`s back out dont go in... have a lucky one..steve
  6. GeorgeHO

    GeorgeHO Member

    They are sooo funny. Reminds me of the first time I was married. For the toilet seat, you could say, "Do you want it up and dry, or down and splattered?"
  7. MCL_RDG

    MCL_RDG Member

    Let me...

    ...just wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS.

    I think there's more to "it" but I'm not about to ask you to come clean and tell us what's really on your mind. :confused: :D

    Now, let's all sing a few bars of Swallow My Pride by the RAMONES


    "Swallow My Pride"

    Winter is here and it's going on two years swallow my pride

    And things were looking very grim but they're looking good again
    Swallow my pride

    Loose lips sink ships, they say but isn't it always that way?
    Swallow my pride, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

    Winter is here and it's going on two years swallow my pride

    And things were looking very grim but they're looking good again
    Swallow my pride

    Gonna have a real cool time and everything's gonna be real fine
    Swallow my pride, oh yeah

    Winter is here and it's going on two years swallow my pride

    And things were looking very grim but they're looking good again
    Swallow my pride

    Gonna have a real cool time and everything's gonna be real fine
    Swallow my pride, oh yeah :thumb:

    Mark :cool:
  8. capt_turk

    capt_turk Member

    Since I ran off the wife, threw out the girlfriend, and quit chasing women:
    1. My life has been "SO" much more peaceful.
    2. My wallet has something in it besides dust.
    3. I haven't been in a fight.
    4. I haven't gotten arrested for something I didn't do.
    5. I haven't had to put up with idiotic inlaws.
    6. I don't have to listen to that put the seat down garbage. (Anyone that doesn't look before they sqaut "should" fall in.)
    7. I never have to worry about forgetting an anniversary, birthday, or valentines day.
    8. I don't have to go to movies I hate.
    9. When I get in my car, it is never out of gas. I never "forget" to fill it.
    10. I can spend 23 hours a day on the internet if I want to and nobody bitches.

    You get the picture. I could easily go on.
    Thank God for peace and quiet!

    Oh!!,,,and I can spend all I want on trains.:thumb: :D
  9. eightyeightfan1

    eightyeightfan1 Now I'm AMP'd

    You forgot one.
    If you go buy something for yourself, I'm going to get something for me...And its going to be a power tool, sports related, or something to do with trains and model railroading.
  10. Lighthorseman

    Lighthorseman Active Member

    Is there a rule that covers stripping, cleaning and assembling firearms on the coffee table? :D
  11. babydot94513

    babydot94513 Member in training

    I am staying out of this because my wife may decide to check up on me<g>

    JD - run away!!!
  12. I feel blessed as my wife tolerates model railroading, beer brewing, and my hockey playing. She even gets involved with the trains and beer brewing. She does point out if I leave the seat up but considering all I think I get the good end of the deal.

    Before I met her and was dating, I found that telling women I put the seat down was an effective openong line.
  13. K.V.Div

    K.V.Div Member

    Not that I'm aware of, seeing that the other half strips and cleans her shotgun on one of our coffee tables, while I am doing the same with one of my rifles on the other one, after a visit to the range or a day hunting. :D
  14. kadidle

    kadidle Member

    That's one thing I love about my wife, we have very simular hobbies, Guns, Trains, Paintball, music, engines, we do them all together. She doesn't do as much carpentry as me, and I almost never sew, but hey, everyone needs their own hobby now and then. :D
  15. V.I.P

    V.I.P out for lunch

    First, i know it´s an old topic, don´t complain about it
    second, I have 3 pairs of shoes, regular shues, winterboots and hikingshoes, easy to shoose :D
  16. anubis51

    anubis51 Little Loco

    When I was married, I had curfews, in-laws, nagging, back ache from gardening, no money, too many household chores, and more nagging. I also had a small diorama layout upon which to "play trains" (as SHE always called it....) :curse:

    Now that I'm single again, I'm working on filling the whole house with trains!!!

    O, On30, HO and N Scales.......bounce7 Bring 'em on!!

    I can always sleep in the shed!!:sleeping:


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