How about some humor?

[Catt]

The other night a cop was parked outside a local neighborhood tavern.

Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he promptly fell into.

He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off, flicked the turn signals on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more
vehicles left.

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly
down the road.

The police officer, having bemusedly waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, flipped on the siren, and promptly
pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the Breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all.

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll need you to accompany me to the station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

 

[billk]

Reminds me of the town drunk where I grew up. Every night after spending the evening in the local taverns, he would forget where he parked and so he wouldwalk home. The next morning (afternoon?), he would walk back downtown, find his car, drive it around a little, and park in a different place. This repeated over and over for weeks on end!

Here is a joke that was circulating because of the Marine Corps birthday this weekend. I got it because my son is currently in USMC boot camp in San Diego:

Happy Birthday, Leathernecks!

A Taliban Army Platoon was on patrol when the commander noticed a lone Marine standing on a hilltop in their area.

The commander told two of his soldiers to go take out the Marine, so they dropped their packs and promptly ran as fast as they could toward him.

Just before they got to the top, the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.

The two soldiers followed. For the next few minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air.
Then as quick as it had started... it stopped and the Marine came back up on the hilltop.

He brushed off his DCU's (Desert Camie Uniforms)... straightened his cap... crossed his arms...and stood there looking at the Taliban soldiers.

The infuriated commander called for a squad to go get the Marine.

They promptly ran as fast as they could toward him.... just before they got to the top... the Marine ran over the other side of the hill.

The squad followed...and for the next few minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air.

Then as quick as it had started... it stopped and the Marine came back up on the hilltop.... brushed off his DCU's... straightened his cap... crossed his arms and again stood there looking at the Taliban soldiers.

The commander was 'really' hot now. He ordered the rest of his platoon to attack the Marine. Determined that Taliban soldiers were far superior to one 'lone' Marine... they had blood in their eyes as they ran up the hill. Just before they got to the top... the Marine again ran over the other side of the hill. The blood thirsty soldiers followed. For many minutes there were horrific screams and dust flying in the air. It continued and continued for quite a while.

Finally... one lone Taliban soldier came crawling back to the commander... all bloody and beat about the head and shoulders. His uniform was torn... cuts were all over his body.

The commander demanded a report. The lone oldier... trying to catch his breath... replied in a forceful and trembling voice:

"Sir, run... it's a trick. There are TWO of them!!"

 

[billk]

Outside of a dog, a model railroad is man's best friend. (There's not enough room inside of a dog for even a Z scale layout.)

 

[Woodie]

Women

Subject: Australian Women's Empowerment

At an international woman's conference the topic for discussion was how to empower women in the home.

The first speaker was the British representative.

She stood up and said; "I decided to make a stand against my husband's oppression and so I told him that I would no longer be doing the washing. After the first day I saw no result; after the second day I saw nothing; but after the third day he did his own washing."

The delegates applauded this brave stand for women's rights.

The second speaker was from America.

She stood up and said; "I told my husband that I was no longer prepared to cook for him as it was a form of enslavement. After the first day I saw no result, after the second day I saw no result;
but after the third day he cooked a meal for the both of us."

Again the conference applauded.

Next came the Australian delegate.

She said; "I told my husband that I would no longer put up with that layout in the living room. After the first day I saw nothing, after the second day I saw nothing; but after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

 

[brakie]

model railroad club fun

At a club that I used to belong to,we got together as a group and went to a hobby shop in a different city.While at the shop a man and lady with a small girl about five years old came in,she was dress as a angel or fairy. One of our members ask the little girl who she was supose to be TinkleBell? At that the shop quited down so we could hear the reply,but before she could answer one of our members said,Name,we thought you was tinklebell.At that the whole place exploded in laughter!

 

[yellowlynn]

humor

Just one word is a joke. Bachmann

Lynn