A collection of groaners.....

Discussion in 'Zealot Archives' started by Mark_1984, May 21, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Mark_1984

    Mark_1984 Guest

    Here are the ten first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

    1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
    stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
    allowed per passenger."

    2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
    craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
    kayak and heat it too.

    4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other
    says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
    canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
    the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
    hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

    "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.

    "Because," he said," I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

    One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes
    to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan. " Years later, Juan sends a
    picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she
    tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
    husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
    up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
    flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
    competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
    would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
    So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
    thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

    Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if
    they didn't close up shop.

    Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
    produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
    little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
    from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a
    super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
    friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
    laugh. No pun in ten did.
  2. thewoodengraver

    thewoodengraver Active Member

    Ummm...'scuse me, but I have a small electrical fire going in my keyboard because of you...(should have swallowed my coffee before reading).
  3. cgutzmer

    cgutzmer Guest

    Those are super! I am gonna crack the family up at dinner time tonight :)
  4. dansls1

    dansls1 Member

    Pretty good - and surprisingly I'd only heard 2 of the 10 before.
  5. Thanks Mark, those are really punny. A couple of them are only 2/3rds of a pun though: PU :) (rimshot)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page